Today.... Not so good

I woke up this morning thinking that today was going to be a wonderful day. Theres snow on the ground. The sun is out, and I don't have to work. (although I love work) Then out of nowhere I heard her voice. The voice of a women I was hoping I wouldn't hear for a very long time. My mother. If your reading this and know the story then you understand where I'm coming from. I was scared to leave my room infact, so I layed in bed for a while just listening. Then I heard her say something about me so I popped up and thought I would make an apperience. It ruined my day. It always does, and it is very sad to say.
=[

Uncomplicating the Complicated

Today I found site of something I lost a long time ago. Many will say "oh your young, you have so much left to experience." well to be frank. I AM young and to be so young and having seen the things that I have, why would you say something like that. I don't want to experience anything else if it's anything like the past 2 years of my life. You can think I'm complaining... No I'm venting.
I moved out, underage.
Parents got divorced.
Mom moved in with me.
I moved to oregon.
A gun was held to my head. (weird cercumstances)
Bussed back to montana.
got kicked out of my sisters for no reason... serioulsy.
moved in with my best friend collette, who left 3 weeks later to colorado.
My mother moved back in with my dad. Not to get back together. she had no where to go
Moved in also.
Got kicked out.
Moved back with sister.
mom moved out of dads.. again.
Moved in with her.
My moms boyfriend moved in. sad to say he was my age.. I know right.
It freaked my mom out so she kicked me out again..
went to stay with my dad.
Lived there for 4 months. Longest I stayed in one place!!
mom and dad started talking again.
Mom hated me so convinced my dad that I was up to no good so he kicked me out.
Stayed with my sister and her fiance... again.
2 months later mom called.
asked me to move in with her to help with bills.
Moved in with mom.
one month later she accused me of stealing money.
I'm the only one that works so why would I take her money?!?
Moved out.
which leaves me now living with my dad again. Never better.
I love staying with my dad. and my little brothers and sister.
I'm only 18. I've only been 18 for 6 months. I didn't ask for all of this to happen. you may think I'm a trouble child, when really I'm not. I have always worked hard and tryed my hardest. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I try not to cuss. (sometimes is just happens.)
I just have a very very disfunctional family! =] thats okay

Purple Dreams.. Something by me

The clock dings nine times, it's nine o'clock and the sun is low, the moon reveals its' self. The items I reveal my blood to leave me still, awake, aware yet unconscious of my surroundings. I loose a breath but gain two heartbeats. The lights before me are like eyes of a black cat in the night. The surrounding atoms are invisible to my impaired vision. The room as dark as city lights, a blanket over head, feeling unsafe but secure. My hands cover my ears, blocking the sound of shattered hopes, a blunt object hitting glass, shattering pieces into the shadows. a black hole making something, nothing. Calmness slowly overtake my toes making way to my knees, breast and eyes. They close trying to forget the day and righteous yet unholy voices in it. The words spoken made impact on nothing but time, filling empty space. A cloud overtakes my thoughts. I believe as known a dream. Purple clouds, green Sky's, and blue grass. A flashing red light in the middle of a Field telling me to stop, a piercing sound enters through the pores of my body, I fall more in love with the thought of being alone in this wondrous place. The world is now my play ground. Reality hits me, my eyes open. I'm standing on the edge of death and insanity. the choice is bothersome but the air is like Ecstasy. the path I choose is not concern to any breathing creature. I turn around and walk from the ledge, I will not cheat today. I will face the life that was given to me weather it be insanity of dreams, The amber's fall as I flick the last of my cancer. step by step, breath after breath, you can't miss something you never had, but you can miss out on having it. Live to the last string, the beginning of the ninth. The words replay in my head are tears roll down my face. Whoever you are, I forgive you, I forgive you for creating and placing me in the washed out dried up peanut of a world. The stars are bright tonight, you must be listening.

It's Love

Immature love says I love you because I need you. Mature love says I need you because I love you.
-Erich Fromm

My Mooser

Have you ever heard of Animals having humans? Well if you told me this 6 months ago I probably would have laughed at you. One day I had this strange urge to get a dog. It took a very long time to convince my dad to let me get one. Finally he said yes. That day I looked in the paper, the humane society, and many other places... no luck. I mean yeah there were dogs but non I was draw too. The next day I woke up extra early to look again in the paper. This time I looked in Craigs list. At first, once again no luck... The last one I clicked changed everything. This is my moose. he is my best friend and in the past few months him and I have been through alot. About a month after I got him I was forced to move from my dad's house and into my sister (not by blood)Dj's apartment. Dog's weren't aloud but her and her fiance loved moose, so they let him stay, untill me going to work all day and moose being home alone became a problem. He started to get barky. It broke my heart, but dj gave me the altimatum of taking him to the humane socitey. I had too.... Dj, steph (her fiance) and I, all went to the humane society and sat with him untill they were ready to take him. I cried the whole way home. 15 minuntes later I got a call from the lady that was working with moose, saying that she couldn't place him because he wouldn't let anyone near him. She said I can either have him uethinized (put down) or I could come get him. I fliped with she asked me that. I mean just because you people can't handle a wonderful dog doesn't mean I want him killed so of course I went and got him. My friend collette, who also (along with many others) became attached to moose, promised me that she would take care of him for me. I can't thank her enough.
It's great because everytime I walk through the door of her house Moose greats me with a quick lick to the face, and rolling at my feet. collette's mother told me that I was Mooses human... I was meant for him. And that I believe. I am not an animal person AT ALL but moose, I will always love. He was and always will be my bestfreind =]

My best girls and I

Collette And I. I love this girl to death. we've been bestfriends since 5th grade and I'm sure that will never change.













Courtney and I... I'm on the left. This girl speaks her mind no matter what and I will always love her no matter how crazy she gets.













Dj and I... I'm in the bandana... I love this girl. She has been like my sister for a long time now. funny story, we have the same last name but were not really related.

10 things you don't know

10 things you don't know about me.

1.) I eat fat kid food and cry to sad music and sad movies 3 days out of the month =]

2.)I've moved 6 times in the past year. Not by choice.

3.)I believe in ghost... and miracels

4.)I hate texting but I'm always doing it.

5.) I intimidate poeple, but I'm intimidated most of the time by everyone

6.) I was in love once and didn't reliaze it untill i lost it.

7.) I write nearly every second of the day

8.) I would rather be at my boss's house then at mine

9.) I pretend like I can't cook, but really I have a nack for it

10.) I miss waking up on saturday morning and watching cartoons with my little brothers.